Well I fucked up again. God, how many times I'd love to go though my old pathetic life without having to mutter those words, but I'm not there yet.

I realized that recently after going through an amazing experience that I had no idea how I arrived at, and then when free, tried to resolve the process of understanding how I got there in the first place.

It all started by knocking off a liter of cheap Russian vodka, when I was massively depressed, and then decided to go for a ride on my electric Trike.

Never a good idea and I woke up in a mental hospital emergency room, in a white gown with an IV in my left arm.

I had no idea how I got there. Nobody could tell me anything other then I had an accident while out riding my bike and hurt my lower chest. All I knew was that I had something in my arm that I needed to get free of.

It's all really blurry now but I do remember pulling it out and bleeding all over, than having them ram it back up in there. That's when I was told about hurting myself falling off the bike and that I needed to get better.

Well, I did quite the job telling them I didn't want it, and just wanted to go home. I succeeded and when I woke up after getting home, my lower right ribcage hurt like hell.

I realize now as I write this, that my grand-daughter and my son are pretty disgusted with the old man, I have no idea what to do next, and my lower chest is in a lot of pain.

And I need to get on the phone and track down my bike with the local sheriff's departments. I can't believe I've fucked up again this bad. I really don't know what to do, and I've ended up with nobody around me willing to help.

And I can't blame them in the slightest.