I was in really bad shape a while ago, my body hurt bad and my brain wasn't working.

Things have improved dramatically since I started on that daily medication routine and the Florida Sun and water are clearing my skin up.

I've even lost a bunch of weight, just really not hungry lately. My brain is still damaged but I'm learning how to deal with everything.

As I walk now, I take short controlled steps. It's working as I haven't fallen in a while, but it sure gets in the way of life. Just don't ask me to speed up.

I'm accepting everything around me now with gratitude and great love, thanks life!

I spent a short while in the back of a Pensacola Police car this morning. I had wondered off from our place today with just shorts, sandals and a wallet. I left behind a shirt and my phone.

I'm way far away from learning this town and this morning I made a turn onto a main street and became totally shirt less, phone less and lost, in Pensacola, FL.

I couldn't call Shelby, I didn't have her address to give anyone, and this city is bigger than that advertised short walk to the beach.

I'm a firm believer in the police, I believe they're here to protect and save us from bad shit. I spotted a black and white holding up traffic while crews worked on the lights, so I walked up to his window and told him I was lost.

He told me to go stand on the corner and he would send a unit. Shortly a good old boy and his female partner showed up, just like the movies. I gave him my license and he ran my record hard, then searched my barely clad body and set me inside the back of the patrol car.

It was uncomfortable hard plastic back there but at least I was heading home. The female officer held up her laptop against the bars and said "is this your grand-daughter? and sure enough there was a full page glamorous shot of her, surrounded by contact information.

Shelby laughed when I read this to her, turns out I mentioned to the police lady that Shelby was well known around here, and she found her portfolio quickly.

It's sure different being here in Pensacola, FL than living in southern Tennessee, or the Rockies of Idaho, or rain in Seattle, or the madness of California.

People are laid back here with a small town but intellectual vibe, even though the roads are too busy for my old mentally damaged mind.

Shelby knows a lot of people here, and I've met a bunch of them lately. I understand why they live here, you can be smart, do your own thing and if you're retiring with some money, have a really great time.

I chatted with some nice friends of Shelby in a great open lunch bar today. He had that smile I notice on a lot of guys down here, he found it (born and raised here, into real estate) and he's thriving on it! His beautiful radiant daughter sat across from him, a junior high gym teacher, I found out later.

A couple nights ago I was chatting with the husband of a lady Shelby was teaching a cocktail mix to. His wife was lovely and he had an angular face, looked like a boss and I asked him what he did. He said he was retiring from management at Coca Cola and they just bought another house in downtown.

We had a drink and chatted, and as we left I said "I bet you were way up there at Coke" and they both laughed as he said "you could say so".

There's a lot of cool people here, I was hanging out with Navy Fighter pilots recently, Homer's a famous artist, and success surrounds me.

So do hot blonds with dogs in their lap.

Homer was trying to talk Shelby into something, at the bars last night.

While this chick was using tats and a cute dog to accomplish the same.

Whatever it was, it worked..

I arrived in Tennessee with Steph about six years ago. I had about 30K saved up from work in Idaho, and it's finally dwindled down to a little over a grand, as the years have rolled by. That ain't nothin in today's world.

I used to be a very smart guy, and I made a lot of money in the computer business. I spent it on life, women and travel. It's been a great, almost 78 years, of life.

I have no regrets anymore, because they're worthless and can't be undone. I take complete responsibility for everything in my life and I blame nobody for nothin.

In fact, I'm feeling kind of good now as I sip a couple cannabis infused cocktails and smoke a toke or two.

The hot blond chick in the short red dress told me to take a shower and we'll go into town this evening. Shelby had a business here over the years and has made many friends, a few I've met before.

Ahhh, hanging out with the Pensacola intellectuals downtown, on a warm early summer night.

My current life is interesting, to say the most. I'm sitting in one of my two cool chairs inside the full garage loaded with Shelby's and my stuff. It's Florida hot and muggy, I'm smoking because it's legal, and I'm sharing my life here because I'm an idiot.

I had a nice evening with Shelby last night. She got back from a meeting, where a lady client of hers had bought me a Mexican food plate. The food, and according to Shelby, the client, was hot.

We snugged up on the couch with blankets and dog last night to watch Sandra Bullock play a funny FBI agent. The movie bailed halfway through because of bad internet, and they're coming Monday to fix it.

It's the next day, and it's really important I remember this. The stroke and the brain seizures, or whatever the hell happened, have really messed me up. Not asking for sympathy here, just explaining why dumb words and actions come from my damaged mind.

That's why I write things here, so I can clean things up, and try to establish a time frame around everything, which is currently seriously confused.

Well, I've finally blown it now. When you can't distinguish gnats in front of your eyes, to spots, and you keep slapping your face while sitting on the porch on a hot morning, you know.

I've managed to fuck up my long life, I confess to that. What I deserved was to be found dead on the floor of that run down place in southern Tennessee. I fought to keep it going for five years, after losing Steph, but I failed.

I honestly tought I was saying goodbye to life on that day, using booze and weed to call it quits, but apparently I had been doing it for a while, friends say.

I had a Will somewhere that gave the few reaming valuables I had, to friends. I had enough money in the bank to barely cover a funeral, and I was all set to say goodbye to an interesting life.

I've been very fortunate to live a valuable one. I've loved deeply, but lost. I've created and taught, and hopefully won. But somewhere along the way I didn't have what it takes to win.

Lately I've watched and met a few men my age that did. Especially here in Pensacola, FL. This place is full of good looking, successful men, mostly military. They have beautiful wives, great kids, a home and a smile on their faces.

I don't blame anyone for my situation, except maybe my neighbor Daniel for finding me in my suicidal state, and changing it. Suddenly I'm surrounded by people in blue coats, laying in hospital beds with needles stuck in my body.

So this was my life, laying on a floor dead from abuse. I hadn't messed up too badly, I guess. I hadn't physically hurt anyone, and I was independent. But here I am, still alive, and still capable of fucking up.

Right now I'm sitting on one of the great chairs my sister gave us back in Idaho. Somehow it, and it's partner chair have remained with me, along with a few nice tables. Their survival is a story I've probably written upon, but I can't remember now.

The pain in my body and mind are somehow under control, due to the many prescribed drugs I take in quantity, four times a day. I've never been a pill guy, but these things are keeping me alive.

I found this out the other day when I arrived here at my new Florida home. I ran off into the hot sun of a downtown Pensacola morning, with no pills, Shelby had picked me up in the morning after an insanely long flight from Seattle and I ran off into town like the stupid old fucked up man I am.

I hung out at the cool bars, and got real drunk. Even got 86'd from one, by a nice young lady who blocked me at the door with a smile and said I wasn't welcome there anymore.

Shelby rescued me but the lack of my med's the previous day had messed up my body and my head, real bad. It showed me my destiny, I'm stuck taking almost a hundred ails a week for the rest of my living experience.

And where is the money coming from to cover this? Hell I only get less than a grand and a half a month, and that's barely going to cover other things.

I'm a financial burden on my grand-daughter, which saddens me. My son Riley and family have contributed greatly, while running their home from month to month, with two babies in the house.

But I'm not used to being a fucking burden! Yet now I'm accepting it thankfully, to my core. And good things happen occasionally, like the hot blond in a short red dress that just gave me a bowl of mac & cheese for lunch.

Spent time with my son Riley, wife Jess and my grand-daughters here in NW Washington State yesterday, and it makes me very glad to be alive.

Jess had the day off so we went to a small fair in downtown Orting, and here's Aerilla feeding Taleigh, it don't get sweeter than that.

And later on, the older red-head and I painted a bird feeder together.

Riley mowing his back yard

Something happened to me, over the last 2.5 days. I was knocked out and slept most of that time.

Shelby didn't worry about me, and we live together. My rare limited family and friends weren't concerned, But I was a bit wondering about it myself.

My brain was damaged more than a month ago, and now things gotten twisted around in comical ways.

Yesterday I had to explain to my roommate how a soaking wet load of clothes had ended up in the dryer and was running at full heat without fucking drying out my clothes. And these are the ones I'm taking to Seattle tomorrow. All fixed, btw...

Today I shifted from this North Florida home and back to my family in the North Washington State area, for a week.

It should be a loving emotional fun visit with my son Riley and his family, while living and blogging from his great home back in Washington state.

Jess has setup some games for me to play with the girls, sounds like healthy fun, especially since my brain is running like a two year old!

Shelby got me packed and down to a local busy airport near Pensacola and I flew up to the beautiful town of Charlotte, NC.

From there I was to transfer for a flight to SeaTac, WA. but the thunderstorms changed everything. We sat for more than an hour before they unseated us into a crowded boarded area.

Then they got some fresh pilots and put us back on the same plane. Now we're waiting on stewardesses, and we're still at the airport.

We're trying to fly, the storms have stopped and my family doesn't know what to do with me when I arrive!

Due to a continual lack of crew we didn't get out of there until late the next morning, in the same jet we reboarded three different times.

Riley finally hooked up with me about 0400, took me back to his house for a couple hours of sleep and then drove back to his Auto Body shop right next to SeaTac.

I finally met my incredably beautiful new grand-daugter this morning (well, next to her older syster) who's stunning me with her smarts and amazing red hair. She's also demanding that ninteen comes before twenty. Well, fine with me!

The two girls names are Aerilla = r + e + ella (the oldest) and Taleigh = ta + lee (the newest).

Riley heads to his autobody shop early in the morning while Jess runs her at home business, from a home office, while raising the girls during the day.

They have done amazing for themselves and I'm real proud. I figure the next few mellow days hanging out with them should settle my poor damaged mind down, in a good way.

I was laying on the front porch a bit ago, soaking up some sun, as it was chilly inside the house. I was laying sideways watching a few cars drive up a small on ramp when I heard a roar down the road.

Suddenly five blue jets in formation, with one off to the side, came roaring in front of me, a hundred feet away, fifty off the ground. WTF!

I've always loved the Angels, Shelby's dated a couple, but to have them cruise by the front porch while I'm trying to nap, I don't know about this Florida stuff...

  1. Bad Mouse