Awe the irony of having your truck break down on the day before Thanksgiving, when you needed to hit the grocery store for a major shop. My mechanic thinks it's the firing rod underneath the cap and rotor, so he ordered the part and now he's shut down for the Holidays.
Thomas is not opening back up until Monday but he said he would try to slip into his shop tomorrow morning for a quick fix, and I'm grateful for him even considering that. He gets how fucked I am.
Daniel would certainly take me up to Krogers but he's been real sick, and I need everything, and I wouldn't subject him to that. The Senior Center here has a Ride Share program to get us old people around, $25 yearly membership and $4 a ride, but everyone is on Holiday time now, and there's no answer there.
Did I mention I hate this time of year? The last two days have been tough! I've been scraping around the house for anything to eat and had a three year old oatmeal pack for breakfast this morning. Maybe the restaurant in the Square will be open tomorrow, but probably not.
I barely slept last night as the upped Celebrex dose is not able to handle my shoulder pain. Ok, this is more than enough pissin and moanin...
So, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas and have a wonderful New Years Eve! Let's get this fucking year done!
Update: Daniel just got us up to the Dollar Store where we both power-walked the place and grapped enough supplies to carry us each through the weekend, Yeah!
I just had a long talk with my friend Beryl in Hawaii. She's alone today, with family and friends scattered all over. When we ended the call she was going to make herself a peanut butter sandwich.
I scrambled my last two eggs and mixed in some baked beans, and that could be it for the day. No food in the house, and no truck to get any. Sometimes you just have to laugh at life, and make it to Friday.
Beryl and I had a lot of catching up to do. She's been in Hawaii for a long time now, her grand-daughter grew up there, and she has traveled all over the world with a lady friend that lives in Florida, near Tampa.
Usually they meet in New York City and go from there, but I proposed that on their next trip, meet up in Florida, and I can see her and Shelby in one drive down there.
We talked about my girlfriend Dawn when we all hung out together in Carmel Valley. She mentioned Dawn's younger sister and I drew a blank, until I started writing this. I just texted her "I remember Dawn's sister now, we had a three way, and resolved her virginity issue!". Dawn was great, I was the last man in her life as she went on to become a cloistered nun in a monastery.
I've said it before, but I really hate this time of year now. I just try to survive it, and make it through to the next year.
And then, out of the blue, I got a text from my nephew Brian. It read "Happy Thanksgiving Uncle Jim! from me and Andrea, Zion National Park. No/bad cellular. Call you when back in WY on Sunday".
They got back together! I love Andrea, she was my friend, and I am very fucking happy! If you scroll through the photoset I put up below, you'll see them in the last shot, along with Anika, who has to be a beautiful teenager by now.
Wow, I can't wait for this update, and pictures!
I'm sitting here at almost midnight ahead of Thanksgiving Day. I'm an old man, older then most of you, and I have many wonderful memory's of gatherings with family and friends! I am alone now, with no idea of what I'm doing tomorrow.
But I remember! Sitting around a big table with food everywhere, surrounded by people I love! Damn...
We make choices in our lives that impact everything down the road. I'm sorry we left Idaho, it was my move, and in the process, I lost the love of my life.
But, I still have a smile on my face, because to have other, is defeat, and fuck that!
OMFG. I'm laughing at my situation in life as opposed to pissing and moaning about it! This is good, I'm getting myself back!
I'm sitting here in a little run down house with no food, no vehicle to go buy some, and absolutely no plans for Thanksgiving.
I need to do my dishes, maybe tomorrow. My friend Daniel is hunkered down in his house depressed as hell, and I can't get him over here for a card game.
He was Plan B, my ride to somewhere tomorrow, for supplies or maybe a meal, but he's toast.
I understand and relate, I love my friend and I'm sorry he has reached that point that I was at just days ago.
So now what, as I sit here laughing. I suppose I can just walk up the hill, buy a bottle and some ice, and watch the Thanksgiving parade on my big TV.
Sounds like a plan!
So I gave my mainframe to Hudson, and he factory reset it, which means everything is gone. But, I was particularly cognizant over the years to keep my photos backed up onto external hard drives. And that's all I really care about, fuck the code, photos are what matters.
I just plugged one into my laptop and discovered a hoard of wonderful shots. So instead of being a "grumpy old bitch" as Daniel likes to call me, here's a small sampling of what I found. Please enjoy!
This is a guy I met up in Illinois at a rest stop after buying some legal weed. He was traveling in a sweet custom van with his dog, good looking and rich.
Here was Riley visiting us in Teton Valley, from Washington. Not a great shot, but...
These southern folk know how to do a catfish fry, but top this!
Riley and I in Seattle.
Our family room in Idaho.
The old back patio.
The inside of my little ParaTransit bus that I drove for a decade in Teton Valley, ID.
Anika, my nephew Brians girlfriend, and my friend Andrea's, daughter.
Here's Steph with Eric Olsen who played Marty Deeks on NCIS, Los Angles.
Family, Brian Steph and Andrea.
I guess that's enough for a lonely old night before Thanksgiving, I hope you enjoyed!
I'm trying to be done writing pathetic posts, and I just deleted the most stupid ones. I was saying fuck the world, take my stuff and I was going to just get in my truck and drive off into the sunset.
Then Shelby told me she want's me to take her child to the beach someday, but that child doesn't exist yet.
Then I went outside this morning and my truck wouldn't start, had it towed to my mechanic and he won't be able to get to it until Friday.
Then Daniel and I just watched "Secondhand Lions" on Prime here in my little house on my big TV. The message was, live as long as you can, and die with your fucking boots on the ground!
So, I apologize to anyone that has followed this blog. Depression is real shit, but I need to get my act together and live as long as I can, for the very few people that still love me, and for the even fewer people left who would not like to see me pass away.
The only stuff that I gave away in this madness, was my main computer in the back room. It went to Hudson, my young game playing friend who wanted it. I never use it anymore to write code, and it's a good gaming box. He did a factory reset on it, and I'm cool.
I guess my truck not starting was a message from above. I woke up in the middle of the night and took down the stupid "take everything" stuff, and even killed this blog for a while.
When I woke up around 0500 and swung me legs onto the floor, I was glad to be alive, that's good.
I've got a heart like a truck, that's been drug through the mud. I realize now that my heart has been broken by a woman that I loved for twenty years, that just left my life, with no closure, and just moved away to somewhere, and I don't know where that is.
I think that's it, I have no closure, no answers, no reasons how I arrived here in Southern Tennessee, and why I have ended up a sad lonely old man in a place I can barely keep up.
God, if you are there, help me, because I am lost...
I just realized that I truly don't give a shit anymore. When you're on the edge of life, shit don't matter.
Sitting in my fucking little house nearing midnight, typing words, watching amazing video's on youtube, and realizing that music can affect your life profoundly!
You rescued me from reaching for the bottle for a while, I stay stoned all the time on your love, then I fooled around and fell out of love, goodby Steph...
Turn off the heater, lock the fucking front door, and go to bed, goodnight...
Just thought I'd post a followup to Sunday, like anyone really gives a flying, but hey, it's my platform and I'll say what I want.
I woke up this morning and realized all I had to eat in the house was eggs and beans, so I whipped myself up a scrambled egg bean thing. Daniel came over at 0800 with a drink in his cup, and I said what the fuck, and joined him.
He's been talking about our new local bbq place called Hinies, and their Sunday brunch with a build your own Bloody Mary bar. You get a big shot of vodka to mix with an amazing array of goodies that you could make a meal out of.
I'm going there next Sunday, if god gives me another week, but I wasn't up to leaving the house today and told him to go enjoy it with his wife, which he did.
Daniel and Jennifer have a complicated relationship. They live in sperate houses, love each other, but share different priorities sometimes. Like today, he wanted to walk next door and watch football with OldManJim after their brunch, and he did. Jen is certainly welcome in my little house but she don't like football, and finds me to be a questionable human being, so she went home.
So Daniel and I drank whisky and mixed drinks, yelling at the Titans on my big screen to get their act together, and played poker. We cooked up half a rack of those ribs on my stove, and he just went home to sleep.
So now I'm left to reflect on my life. I've been doing a lot of that lately, and I haven't figured a damn thing out yet. I had chest pains this morning and wondered if this was it.
I asked Daniel if I dropped dead in my chair, what was his game plan. He said no "mouth to mouth", but he would call 911, Riley, and Shelby, from my phone. God I would hate to disrupt my two favorite people in the world's lives at his moment, so I better stay alive!
I can't say the same about the Tennessee Titans...
Drinking Smirnoff, sipping Devils Cut, heating up ribs that Daniel got this morning from the owner of our local bbq joint, and watching the Titans getting their ass kicked, once again. Sounds like Sunday to me.
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