I just had an in-home doctors visit by a 72 year old guy named Peter. He's quite experienced, and this was the best checkup I've had in a long time.
He ran thru a battery of questions, checked my chest and back thoroughly with his scope.
We talked about a lot of things, I told him I'm an alcoholic and he didn't flinch. He walked over to my vitamin stash and looked at every one of them, then recommended a couple more. He also told me some blood tests he wants done next time I go to the clinic.
Considering I woke up this morning wondering wether I was going to live through the day, he said I should make it, and probably tomorrow also. The truth is, for all of the abuse I have poured all over me, in the process of reaching almost 77, I'm in good shape.
My record showed a Parkinson's drug called Primidone that I used to take for tremors. Somehow it's gotten dropped from my regime, and he told me get back on it, next time I hit the clinic.
We are currently under a tornado watch, and I'm doing ok.
Son, if you wanted I would quit drinking and smoking right now, move into your backyard trailer, and be popa to your babies, forever!
You have a great life happening, I'm so proud and I love you all so much.
You're auto body career, second place in that big Pacific Northwest contest, is amazing!
Just say yes, and I'm there son!
On the other hand, Shelby, my grand-daughter who you know well, wants me to land with her.
She envisions me in a small trailer on a Tampa, FL beach, where I could hang with family there, enjoy my vodka and smoke while the hot girls in bikinis stroll by!
I am so grateful that my life has landed among these choices, thank you life!
So my choice is, ...
I walked out on my little porch this nice afternoon, Daniel was sitting back inside in his chair, and I let out this huge roar from my gut that rocked the neighborhood.
I gave it everything, I made it last, I let the world know that I was here.
The campers across the creek might have been concerned, for a second. I live on a short dead end street and my next door neighbor is behind me. We're all cool.
But, my landlord now lives in his new trailer at he end of my dead-end street. He and his family and friends drive by here daily.
I think today when I let out that yell, they were having a family thing going on down there.
Daniel was impressed that the cops didn't show up.
I researched my mental and physical issues today and this is what I've found.
Lewy bodies pull the alpha-synuclein protein, crucial in preventing cell death, out of the nucleus of our brain cells.
They are the bad guys, and arise in a few ailements, including Parkinsons, which affects 2% of those over age 65, and the average time from onset of Parkinson's to developing dementia is about 10 years.
Hmmm, let me see, I'm 76, I have PD, diagnosed by my neurologist a few years back, and here I am.
Lewy bodies are sucking my brains out! I love a good blowjob! but...
I never knew this until today, that Parkinson's could mess with your brain. I always assumed it was just this disease that turned you into a sad shaking person, and being in the paratransit business for thirty years, I sadly knew many.
When you finally realize that your memory is fleeting, you make it as real as you can.
I've been documenting my life here in Southern Tennessee since I landed going on six years ago. I can pick any month out of any year here and recall what I was doing then, with pictures.
Now, as dementia settles in and I experience it in real time, I'm really glad I have. Hell, I have a previous blog that covers the many years before moving here. I love to write, I'm a decades long photographer, I used to develop brilliant code and it has been a natural fit.
I'm going to keep on blogging until I can't. I suppose there will come a point someday, when I lose that ability to capture my life here on the web. I will either be physically dead, or brain dead.
It cost around $200 a year to maintain these two blogs, and they would eventually fade away when that happens. Sure, some family member could jump in and support them, but why?
I have fourteen grandkids and I've only met a few, not to mention their children. I have a daughter that I haven't seen in decades. The truth is there are only a very few people on this earth that care how my life went.
So let my blogs go, when I go!
Sis, I hope you and the family are doing well! I just wanted to let you know that I'm truly sorry how things ended there, and I take full responsibility. You bringing Steph and I to the Valley was life changing for both of us, and I love you.
Now I sit here on a dead-end street in a small southern town, Stephs gone, and I'm developing Parkinson's dementia. I assume you read my two posts this morning so I won't elaborate.
My sweet grand-daughter Shelby is offering to setup a living space for me in Tampa, FL. She's talking about a trailer on the beach, near her, to live out my last years.
I'm seriously considering it. I need to bring my possessions down and go where I'm loved. Not that I didn't feel loved by your family there, I very much did!
So, that's my life at the moment, hopefully I can wake up tomorrow and remember writing this.
Please give my love to your amazing family!
I've figured out the problem with my loss of memory, it's the Parkinson's. My tremors have been worsening a bit daily, and what struck me this morning was Parkinson’s disease (PD) dementia.
The tremors suck, but this has scared the hell out of me. I've researched it and I've got all the symptoms, and there is no cure. I'm taking meds for the PD but who knows what they're doing and I don't want to stop and find out.
PD is now affecting my ability to be independent. My mind has always been my strong point, it keeps me going, and this blog has been the glue. I may feel bad physically, but I could still figure out how to deal with it.
If I have many more attacks like this morning I don't know if I can maintain this independent life. There are still things I've forgotten overnight that I can't recall. Like where my sister lives, and do I have any upcoming commitments this week or this month. I still can't remember where my buddy lives, and I thought I was going to head out there today.
If I lose this place I'll be stuck in a rundown nursing home somewhere. The few simple pleasures I enjoy, like drinking vodka and smoking from my pipe, will be taken away.
So now things have gotten very real. Forget lost past loves, life's successes and failures, blogging, and so much more. This could be the beginning of the end.
I woke up this morning wondering who I was, where I was, or what I'm doing with life. I've spent the last few hours putting the pieces together.
I finally figured out who my neighbors are, it took a while. I remembered Steph and her family, but wasn't sure what my relationship with them was. Oh yea, I haven't seen them for years.
I know I have a guy coming here tomorrow for an in home medical checkup, cause I saw the email, but after that, I don't know what I'm doing. Do I have a job? Do I have commitments?
I have another friend here that goes un-named, but if I had to drive to his house right now, I wouldn't be able to find it.
Damn, something has happened, I'm really lost and confused...
Update: I sent this off to my grand-daughter Shelby in Tampa. She just called out of concern and I lasted about half a minute before I fell apart and had to end the call. I know I was down there recently, oh yea, Christmas, but I couldn't find her place now.
I honestly don't know where my sister lives. I also don't know how to get to my other buddies house here.
It's like all of that memory matter got wiped out overnight, and I'm just confused.
I talked to my boy today on the phone. His mom and grandma were driving down from their places up north, in the Seattle area, to spend Easter with him, his wife, and their two young beautiful daughters.
He sounded good, at peace, and I told him to extend my regards. I know them both well, we raised him into the man he is, and I have nothing but respect left.
My history with them goes back decades and ahh, the stories I could tell. But the bottom line is that they're both alive and well, and treasuring their son and grandson's babies.
I wish I could teleport there now and spend this day with you all. But I have made life choices that have landed me a long ways away.
Son, please read this post to them, pass them my love, and have a great Easter!
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