Fuck Tennessee, I wish I was back in Idaho, to be around my sisters family. I wish I was back in Washington, to be around my sons family. I wish I could afford Florida, to be around my grand-daughter Shelby.

It was a mistake moving here, thinking I could start a new connection with Stephs family. I fell in love with her grand-daughters, and was ultimately kicked to the curb. Now they've all disappeared from my life, my stash is almost gone, and I am alone and drunk, in a small place on a dead-end street.

I have two friends here, my neighbor Daniel, and a guy that gets me stoned once in a while, that asks to be anonymous. My neighbor has a wife and a life, while the other has no vehicle.

How did such a promising life get so fucked up? I was a computer genius back in the seventies and eighties, at one point making $250 an hour, collecting the cash as I walked out the door. I created great systems that made companies.

Back in Seattle during the nineties I was the first employee of the year for the largest paratransit company on the West coast, and eventually lead supervisor. That's where I met Steph and we ended up moving to Idaho.

It's been an amazing fucked up life. I failed my daughter in the late seventies and she went on to have fourteen children, most of which I've never met.

I really wish I'd had one of those magical lives, where you love and marry a woman, raise a large family, and end up surrounded by them as the patriarch.

But I did not. Instead I'm a pathetic old man, with no family around, wishing I had the balls to end it all, but I don't, and all I have now is regrets.