I apologize to anyone I spoke with yesterday, after finding out my brother was gone, I was a mess.

My blog is a window into my soul at any point in time, so I went looking to see what I was doing around January 15, as my brother lay dying alone in a California hospital.

Turns out, I was in the middle of a major depression. The day before, I wrote this little shut down post, which usually means I had written a bunch of sad stuff, that I quickly trashed.

When I resurfaced five days later, I wrote this.

I was mourning the passing of my brother, and didn't even know it.