I've been trying to figure out why I'm such a mess lately. I landed here going on six years ago, with my best friend, the woman I loved. She had family here, two granddaughters I was looking forward to watching grow up.

They've all been gone from my life for a while now. I have no family here, and I'm just a heartbroken old man.

If I don't write it down here, I won't remember life. Some things I'm sorry I remember, and they go in the trash.

I'm really depressed, don't even remember going to bed the last two nights. But I remember my hair appointment with Erica today at 1000. I haven't had hair cut from my head since she did it before Christmas last year.

If I wasn't so anti-suicide, I'd cancel that appointment. As it is, I have no choice.