I realized something today, that instead of fighting to live, I'm waiting to die. Which means I've given up on life.

Instead of walking and working out, quitting drinking and making healthy choices, I wallow in a world of pathetic self pity.

I feel my body falling apart, I'm in a lot of pain, I watch the open sores on my body that won't heal, and I succumb to my alcoholism, which softens the mental and physical pain but just creates more.

I know what I need to do to survive, I just lack the drive and the reason to do so. I still have a few people that love me, amazingly, and I love them, but now they have become but line items on my living will...