My latest run at sobriety was a good one. I accomplished my goal of meeting Shelby's friends with a straight face, and I'm proud of that.

But in the process I became painfully aware that the addiction was still there and all I was doing was forcibly denying it. In the middle of day eleven as we were heading out to dinner with friends, I new it was over.

So what is a man to do in this situation? I'm not getting what I really want out of life, I've run out of goals, and I'm lying flat on my back having fallen off that fucking wagon, once again.

I really don't know what's going to happen next, or even what I'm going to do today. Each step forward this morning has felt like a step back.

Maybe that's the solution, turn around and start walking backwards. I'm really good at pissing and moaning about my past life, at least this way I'll be able to see it more clearly. I can use my new phone as a backup camera, just to make sure I'm not walking off a cliff.