Ok, I think it's time to crank the transparency level of my life, up to full. I've been blogging now for decades, it is my expression of being. I don't know why I've done this, but I'm very glad I have, and I've left so much out.

So if you really give a shit about who I am, read on. Otherwise swipe me away.

I'm almost 79 fucking years old. I hope you all make it this far.

I am a bisexual man and I have cheated on every woman in my life. I deserve to be where I am, and I apologize to every lady that ever loved me.

Most men cheat on their women, with other women. I kind of mixed it up...

I am now alone and old. At this point all I have left is honesty.

I have tried many, many times to deal with my alcohol addiction, that started when I was a teenager. I succeeded on a few rare occasions, but now I sit here knowing that I failed.

I have bottomed out. Ending the alcohol consumption in my life, so I can become a better man, a better father and grandfather, has run it's fucking course. I realize now it's over.

I feel my body failing on me, and I have to face reality. I'm not a young man making the decision to be sober, and changing my life for the better.

I find that making myself a drink, smoking a bowl, and being creative are the only things left that give me any sort of satisfaction or pleasure.

Tomorrow I'm hanging out with Shelby and her new family. I'm looking forward to it greatly, but I feel the tide has turned.

I've pretty much fucked up every opportunity in my life to succeed. It is what it is, I am where I am.

I finally accept the reality that I am very old. I feel my past loved ones around me, on the other side, and I've lived longer than most of them.

My grand-fathers WW1 American flag is within touching distance. My grand-mothers blankets still surround me. The teddy bear from my birth sits nearby, and watches me.

So here's the deal, just let me be! Drinking and smoking are the only things that give me pleasure anymore. Women, men, and driving are gone!

I find pleasure in living anywhere I can now. Visits from dogs, a double Fish Filet from McDonald's, a walk downtown and a good time at Dan and Shelby's house...

Other than that, life is pretty fucked up. But I'm damned happy I lived!