I'm finally getting in to see a neurologist next Friday so I composed a document for him:

So here's the deal Doc. Last summer I was at the top of my game, driving tubers down to Shoal Creek and back in an old school bus four days a week and working out the other three. My body was lean and mean, drinking was down to a couple in the evening, and the tremors were in the back of my mind. Not bad for a 74 year old man.

Then I hit the road, picked up a bunch of pot in Colorado, and partied for a couple of weeks out West. When I got home I slid into a "lubricated mode", first hit at 0800 and first drink at 1100. The tremors became stronger so I just fought them off harder. Ran out of pot so I drove to Illinois and bought more.

Now I'm sitting here clean for more than a month and contemplating a local management job setting up rides for seniors, which I am totally qualified to do. The problem is, I feel like shit. I've dropped ten pounds cutting out all the munchie crap but I'm out of shape, and the tremors are back bad.

And now I'm depressed. What the fuck! I just posted a blog post with a shotgun in my mouth for christs sake, and I'm totally anti-suicide. Anyway, this pretty much sums me up at the moment...

On the medical side, the tremors are all internal. I first noticed them lying in bed in a quiet cabin up in the Grand Tetons of Idaho about 15 years ago. It was just a little vibration from within and I thought "what the hell". Over the years they continued to grow stronger and now they dominate my existence. I find myself dropping things a lot, securing my watch band is a nightmare, and if I was a vibrator I could make a women happy, but I ain't.

Parkinson's is in my genetics on my dad's side, multiple uncles had it and my older brother has it flat out bad with major visible tremors last I saw him.

One final note, I ain't a pill guy, don't do any, period. How the hell can we fix this?