My friend Farmer Katy's husband Jason, is a Holistic Health Practitioner. He could possibly fix the neurological issues going on in my body, which are many. Maybe I can work out a farm labor deal for treatment, sleep in my truck in the back forty!

In the meantime, excuse me while I write real. I have no time left for bullshit.

My walking style is old person with issues, you see it around you everywhere. Last year I was walking strong miles with my bare chest puffed out, abs on parade, and now it's gone.

I have two types of evenings, one where I drink until I can't, then hit the bed with no memory of it in the morning. The other, I shut down alcohol early, drink my hot lemon juice, take my Primidone pills, and go to bed.

Then I lay there with my body vibrating, especially my legs. I have a device next to my head that emits a low frequency sound, that I try to match with the vibrations, and hope for sleep.

When I finally start dreaming, the vibrations and pain wake me up. Last night I was woke up three separate times, and fell back into the same dream each time. My brother Dana, my cat Piper, and some old girlfriend was there, all long gone, and then I met a lady named M, who took me on an amazing adventure!

Ok, choices need to be made! Which direction brings me to the point where I am meant to be. Sobriety of course, is at the top of the list!

I have spent four fucking years surviving alone in this little house, and I'm tired of doing so. What next?